When I don’t trust myself I cannot find joy. I feel insecure & unsafe. I was looking for safety outside myself because I didn’t trust me. I was too scared to lean in & fall/fail. What if I say or do the wrong thing? It’s so tiring.

When I don’t trust I feel like I’m not fully in my body. I’m in front & above trying to please others to feel safe. Like pushing a balloon under water, there is a huge resistance when I try to feel the space deep in my body because it doesn’t feel safe.

I do what pleases others & I’m happy, safe. I make a mistake & upset others & I’m desolate, I want to die, I’m not ok. I am unsafe. I will never be at ease until I learn to place trust in myself & not in other peoples reactions.

I realise it is a practice. I have been practicing all my life to not trust myself. ‘Don’t wear that.’ ‘You should do this.’ ‘No, you’re wrong.’ ‘You can’t say that.’

I take in these statements from others & internalise them into I’m not ok. Others are right, not me. Eventually I stop listening to myself & stop trusting my words & actions. ‘What do you think?’ I ask others.

Yet my perspective is unique. The gifts I have been given are different to everyone else. Wholeness can only be achieved when all perspectives are viewed. I honour God/ great spirit/ conscious evolution by honouring my unique perspective.

I am safe in the knowledge that what created me did so purposefully & with love. It’s ok if I make a mistake, it’s the only way to learn & grow. I respect other’s statements in trying to protect me, & show them love & compassion, knowing that their perspective is unique to them as is their journey. I thank them & consider what has been said as I turn inwards for the answer.

So it’s a practice. The unlearning. It takes time & effort. Learning to feel safe in my body, in my truth, in my love. Feel into your unique specialness, your beautiful creative spark. Trust this inner wisdom & the safety of love.