When fears take hold, there can be no beauty. We literally can’t see it. The terms could be thought of as opposites. Beauty is full on faith in life, that everything will be perfect and is perfect. Fear is a mistrust in life and in ourselves. Fear is how can i make it OK rather than trusting that it is OK, that i am OK.

I think again of the beautiful rose, blooming in full faith in life and itself. It doesn’t need four walls around it to feel safe enough to bloom. It blooms anyway with the force of conviction that it must bloom without fear or judgement which is faith.

I feel a great amount of fear – i watch the news everyday and sink into despair and hopelessness. Fear for the future. I am having trouble finding faith in life and in myself and i can’t see or understand the big picture.

I am reminded of the billions of years of evolution that made me. The astral collisions, fires, floods, the continual eating of each other. Eating, digesting, learning, growing, desiring, changing, more eating and being eaten. How can something that seems so messy and chaotic at ground level produce such exquisite harmony such as a perfectly balanced ecosystem?

Evolution hasn’t stopped. It didn’t stop with humans or with me. Is there an endpoint, a destination? I don’t know. When i look back at the path of evolution i am blown away by its beauty and perfection. Just as looking back at the end of a life allows the path to become clear.

I am reminded of the life review as told in near death experiences. So many well documented experiences and so much scientific research now available that surely i can accept this with faith? Sadly no, my logical left brain still needs more proof… However, the life review is a common aspect of near death experiences where the life is reviewed but the perspective is from everywhere and everyone involved and all the emotions, pain and joy from each situation can be felt. Not as a punishment but so the soul can grow and find more loving ways to connect. The life is perfect in its imperfections because it was exactly what the soul needed to experience for it to grow, find more compassion and love and come ever closer to our spiritual home of oneness.

I learnt something new today – about how humans give and take energy or power from each other. The Celestine Prophesy is a work of fiction entwining spiritual and mystical wisdom. It talks about 4 different styles of human power taking: Intimidators, Poor me, Interrogators and Aloof. It is a very simple construct and the interrelationships between the different styles is symmetrically balanced. Where an Intimidator parent may create a Poor me child and an Interrogator parent may create an Aloof child and vice versa. It is about how we draw power energy from others and it explains all conflicts and wars. It has given me a new perspective on the conflicts in my life and I can see the dynamics playing out as a struggle for power. The book is a reminder that these conflicts will continue until we realise getting power from another human is like drawing it from ourselves and will only lead to more pain and conflict.

Instead, I need to learn to draw the power from the beauty in all life. You could call this God or source or evolution, or the energy vibrating creating the illusion of matter, but I find it easier to think of it as beauty or the love that is found in the wonder and awe of life.

The trick is to learn to connect in with this power instead of trying to get it from another human. My current method is to sit quietly in nature and enjoy the harmony and to feel the wonder and awe of the billions of years it has taken for this expression of life force energy in all its endless complexities and yet overarching simplicity in the repeating fractals and patterns.

I breathe into my heart and notice any resistance and fear come up, and I allow this to be there as I smile giving thanks to my old patterns trying to keep me safe and gently allow them to dissolve as the beauty and love wash over me.

I will forget this and then remember it again, as my evolution continues, but each time I find a little more faith in myself and life.