I don’t like to admit it, but I am codependent. I see this now.

I need others to be OK. I need to be needed. I need others to love me. I am scared to be alone and I don’t think I will survive on my own. So I grab hold of loved ones and attach to their energy.

I see the same behaviour in my mother. She is so physically attached to her grown up children, grand children and now great, great grandchild that for any of them to suffer is physically painful for her. I see the family pattern of this same attachment pain and suffering behaviour in my relatives and know it is something I am being asked to heal.

My closest friend has been diagnosed with cancer and my initial reaction was to pour love on to her. I couldn’t bear to see her suffer. I felt so much pain and anguish. What do i do? How do i help?

She reacted in anger. She was fine, strong and independent and everyone else had the problem! It wasn’t her job to make those who felt pain because of her illness feel better! That everyone was making her suffering about them.

At the time I felt hurt, having my love thrown back at me, but now I realise she is right. Throwing love at someone to make myself feel better is not ok. I was projecting my pain onto her and for this I am sorry and also grateful for the learning experience. I now know I have this tendency to attach emotionally to others and draw their power and give away my power. It is unhealthy for everyone involved.

We all learn this as infants as we cannot physically survive on our own and we need others to hold us and give us love. We begin to view ourselves as not whole and needing others to complete us. But there comes a time when this behaviour becomes detrimental to both ourselves and our loved/attached ones.

I allow my mind to go inside my body and notice the attachments within my body – as though they were physical as well as emotional. They are like a black hole with the centre sucking in fear and pain with an unquenchable hunger. I gently hold this centre with love as though holding a newborn infant and just be there with the uncomfortable sensations that flood my body in waves.

I allow myself to gently detach emotionally and shift to align with my spiritual truth – that I am already whole and healed with the spark of God within me connecting me to all of life with love. Not a needy love, but a love that just is. It has nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to fix or heal. It just is. The same love that has flowed through every living creature, connecting all of life and allowing the intelligence within evolution to create.

The love that can see the big picture and takes no sides as there is only one. When you are already one with everything there is no need for attachments as there is no hole to fill. No power plays, no fighting, no wars, no hurt or pain. Suffering is a choice and I choose to go home.

I allow myself to fill with the energy of Mother Earth to support my physical body and Father God to fill my emotional and spiritual bodies. This is where I shall learn to draw my power from, knowing that I am whole as are all of my loved ones. I will support them as I am directed or asked, but I wont be needed and they won’t depend on me and vice versa. It will be a healthy exchange of love as I draw my power instead from the universe.