I had a vision of struggling to swim in the deep ocean, being dragged down by many layers of clothing. These garments contain all my negative thought patterns and fears. Heavy, thick, dark outer layers pulling me underwater and drowning me. Stopping me from experiencing the world as it really is. They are just something I have put on and identified with, a program running in my brain computer, but they aren’t who I am.

It is a program that has been running, no doubt from early childhood and so it feels so familiar. It almost feels comforting as though holding it was somehow keeping me safe. This is an illusion.

As I notice a fear emotion in my body, I notice where it is. What it feels like. What material it is made from. I remind myself it is not me. I can choose to remove it.

I don’t need to know how it got there, it could have been an incident from early childhood, or my mother’s fears when she was pregnant, my ancestors fears passed down the line in a false or real attempt at safety. Often irrational, always emotional, very unhelpful and now I feel unnecessary. Why and how isn’t important, what is important is to notice it there and remember it is not me.

I imagine the fear as sharp metal chains digging into my flesh, heavy and pulling me downwards. I remove layer after layer of chains and gently let them sink to the ocean floor. And breathe.

How does that now feel? There is a calmness and a steadiness that has always been present, beneath the fear. This is me.

I am a little sad and angry that I have had this fear program for so long, that it has robbed me of joy and deep connections. But this too I notice and calmly remove.

This nakedness is intense and overwhelming, and I feel it is almost too much. I try not to contract back to my old patterns. I breathe and hold and just allow this brave new way of being.